Dear white people, please have all the seats. Y’all make all kinds of excuses to use the n-word, to call me a chink, to tell my brown friends to go back to their country, to make them apologize for 9/11, tell me to get over racism cuz ‘slavery ended 400 years ago’, tell me that ‘I’m just appreciating Indians by wearing this headdress’, oh, but the second BuzzFeed makes a post about liking Starbucks we’re being racist and perpetuating stereotypes. Oh. Okay. That’s cool. You have your television shows and music videos and billboard ads and magazine covers and movies that feature 99.99% white people but the second that I step up and ask if I can have a t.v. show that positively represents Asians I’m asking for too much. That’s just too much to handle right now what with all the white people blazoned across every media outlet. And before any of you think about responding with some baseless comment like, “These stereotypes are really bad; they reinforce segregation” just know that no one is killing you for these stereotypes. It does not affect you getting a job, or being objectified. Your ancestors erased entire histories and communities and you benefit from this so don’t try and read me because I made a joke about you wearing Uggs and liking Starbucks.
Edit: One more thing, don’t use the ‘we’re all human’ excuse or the ‘I have a/n (insert race here) friend’ or the ‘I don’t see colour’ argument. Yes, we’re all human, but our life experiences are different, your small group of (insert race here) friends doesn’t mean you can say whatever slur you want, and ignoring colour invalidates and delegitmizes people’s identity, history, and stories, just cuz you don’t wanna talk about it.
Comment from a buzzfeed post “
I saw that post and the SO MANY HURT FEELINGS of whiny white people. Fellow whites: Cut that shit out. See also #29 on that list: “Generalizations of white people don’t get them killed.”
Renisha McBride died at the hands of a racist white man (and countless other people of color at the hands of other racist white men, who generally had the support of the white women around them) and you feel equally entitled to be angry because someone made fun of you for liking shows about serial killers and eating bland food. Get over it.
I once knew a man who came on very strong at the beginning of relationships, but couldn’t seem to help closing his heart as soon as a woman had opened hers. I have heard that kind of behavior referred to as an “addiction to the attraction phase” in relationships. This man did not maliciously go around hurting women. He sincerely wanted to be in a genuine, committed relationship. What he lacked were the spiritual skills that would enable him to settle down in one place long enough to build anything solid with an equal partner. As soon as he saw human faults and weaknesses in a woman, he would run. The narcissistic personality is looking for perfection, which is a way to make sure that love NEVER has a chance to blossom. The initial high can be so heady, so tantalizing, that the real work of growth which needs to follow the initial attraction phase can seem too dull, too hard to commit to. As soon as the other person is seen to be a real human being, the ego is repelled and wants to find somewhere else to play.
At the end of a relationship with someone like this, we feel as though we’ve taken cocaine. We had a fast and exciting ride, and it felt at the time like something meaningful was happening. Then we crashed and realized that nothing meaningful had happened at all. It was all made up. Now all we have is a headache, and we can see that this kind of thing isn’t good, isn’t healthy, and we don’t want to do it again.
But there’s a reason why we’re attracted to relationships such as this. We were drawn to the illusion of meaning. Sometimes someone who has nothing to offer in a real relationship can come on like they’re offering the world. They are so dissociated from their OWN feelings that they have become highly skilled performers, unconsciously playing whatever part our fantasies prescribe. But the responsibility for our pain still remains OUR own. If we hadn’t been looking for a cheap thrill, we wouldn’t have been vulnerable to the lie.
How could we have been so stupid? That’s the question we always ask ourselves at the end of these experiences. But once we’d had enough of them, we admit to ourselves that we weren’t really stupid AT ALL. We suspected this was a drug. The problem was, we wanted it. We saw exactly what the game was with this person, usually within the first fifteen minutes, yet we were so attracted to the high, we were willing to PRETEND we didn’t see it, for just a night, or a week, or however long it lasted. The fact that someone said to us, “You are so fabulous. You’re such a wonderful woman. This is such a great date. How lucky a guy is to get to date you,” when he’s only known you for an hour, is a blinking red light to any thinking woman. The problem is, the depth of our wounds can be so great—we can be SO hungry to hear those words, because deep down we suspect that they’re untrue—that hearing them can cause us to put aside all rational consideration. When we’re starved, we’re desperate.